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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26618653">…And That's Why I Love You</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/fuckinqueen/pseuds/fuckinqueen'>fuckinqueen</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Writer's Block [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Death Note (Anime &amp; Manga)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - No Kira, Fluff, M/M, Mello Misunderstands, Near Writes For Fun, random idea</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-09-25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-10-01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 06:01:20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,782</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26618653</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/fuckinqueen/pseuds/fuckinqueen</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Near writes, and Mello's feeling left out, until Near tells and shows him why.</p><p>*FINISHED*</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Mello | Mihael Keehl &amp; Near | Nate River, Mello | Mihael Keehl/Near | Nate River</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Writer's Block [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1951666</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>26</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Mello plops on the couch with a chocolate bar in one hand. He looks over to where Near is, sitting on the table with a notebook and pen in hand. <i>Of course,</i> Mello sighs, rolling his eyes, <i>that's all he does. Never anything else.</i>

</p><p>"Hey, Near," Mello asks casually, "what are you writing?" Near looks up, twirling some of his hair - growing longer, now it's brushing his shoulders - around a finger.

</p><p>"You can't know, Mello. You know that. I don't write for showing, I write to get things out. And for fun." He shrugs. "At least I'm not playing with my toys, hm?" Sure, but Mello had asked him to stop playing with his toys <i>too much,</i> not play with them maybe twice a week and write for the rest of the hours of the days in between.

</p><p>Mello frowns, glaring at his friend. "Fine. But seriously, can we do something? I'm getting bored with this." Near tilts his head.

</p><p>"I'm sorry?"

</p><p>"You write so much that I have nothing to do, ever. Especially when you sit on the table. I mean, I'm glad we finally bonded, but seriously? I don't really think this is helping in the slightest."

</p><p>"Mello," Near sighs, now chewing on the end of his pen; not a good sign, he only does that when he's getting agitated or upset. In fact, right now there's a reflection of hurt in his beautiful gray eyes. "Mello, I played with my toys to express my feelings and what I think. Now I write to do the same. Plus, I found a passion in it. I have to do something. I think too often. Most nights I'm lying awake, thinking of possible things to do the next day, possible answers for questions that puzzle me, possible ways to maybe… speak… things. So, please, if you care, let me write. Maybe one day I'll show you. I know you like to draw, so I could show you my writing-- only if you show me your drawings."

</p><p>So not happening. Mello's drawings of Near are too intimate and embarrassing to show his roommate. There are many of him smiling and being incredibly adorable, and if Near saw them, it'd be quite obvious how Mello really feels about him.

</p><p>"Maybe one day." Mello answers gruffly, knowing that it'll never happen. "Are you seriously up all night?"

</p><p>"Yes." Near looks back down, writing more furiously than ever. "I'm sorry, may I finish this paragraph? Then we can think of something to do."</p><p>"Fine." Mello looks away.

</p><p>A couple minutes later, the scratching sounds stop. Near hops off the table and sits on the couch next to Mello. 

</p><p>"So," Near half-smiles, "what do you want to do? We could play a card game, play a board game, watch a movie or TV show, talk, read…? W-why do you keep shaking your head? Are you okay?"

</p><p>Mello puts his hands on Near's shoulders. "Because, Near, I want to understand you for a second. So… maybe we could just play? You know, with your toys? You can pick, of course." Near's eyes widen.

</p><p>"Oh. Are you sure? Okay then… well, come on and we can go get out the stuff if you're completely sure. You know, we still haven't finished that one show where that guy does the stuff…" 

</p><p>"Near," Mello warns. Near nods, and leads him over to the closet where his stuff stay hidden and ready for use.

</p><p>"I do have a you doll and a me doll, so you can be you and I can be me." Mello nods. "Are you sure?" The white-haired boy asks him again.

</p><p>"Yes. Show me what you mean, with the 'I play with my toys to express my feelings' thing."

</p><p>"Mello… okay. Well, the Mello doll is yours for the taking. For today, he's still mine." Near grabs his own doll and walks briskly back out to the living room. Mello takes the one with blonde hair and a leather outfit with a scowl, looks at it, and snorts.

</p><p>"Hey, Near, you caught me perfectly with this thing!" He calls. A short laugh drifts back to him.

</p><p>"So, Near, how are we… what're you doing?" 

</p><p>He sees Near completely stretched out of his side, holding his doll close to his chest with an innocent expression on. It's pretty obvious what he's doing, posture-wise, but not what he's doing in Mello's head. It's just that, that position is affecting Mello's whole mindset.

</p><p>"What do you mean what am I doing?" Near asks softly. "I'm getting comfortable."</p><p>"Right… yeah. Sorry." Mello sits on the floor across from him cross-legged. "So, what are we doing?"

</p><p>"I don't quite know, Mello. Let's just pretend we have to save the world from someone who can kill however they want. With heart attacks, mostly, since heart attacks would be neutral. And they are completely evil. But they lose their mind, because of the power. That comes from a… notebook? Yes." Mello's mouth drops open at the depth of the idea. "Too unbelievable?"

</p><p>"No. No."

</p><p>"Alright then. Let's say he's in Japan, and we can call him Kira." Near smiles.</p><p>"Ha! Well, okay then." Mello ruffles Near's hair.

</p><p>"Well, Mello," Near says, moving his doll forward to catch Mello's attention. "I realize that this Kira is progressing forward. I believe I know someone who has come in contact with the killer. Of course, I also believe that you know information you aren't telling me."</p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>…</p>
</div><p>To Near, when he plays, he is. There's no other way to put it. It's confusing, but easily explainable.

</p><p>When Near plays, he isn't just playing; he's there. He has become what he's playing. 

</p><p>So now, he's in a room… an empty room other than a chair and computers. A monitoring room. Mello is standing across from him with his hands balled into fists and his face twisted into a disgusted expression, because here they aren't friends. Near himself is sitting on the floor, doing an all-white puzzle. He's done this puzzle before; it's easily recognizable. In a circle, with the oddest-shaped pieces. Which is what makes this puzzle so easy. 

</p><p>"What do you mean?" Mello responds to his remark, shifting forward like he's about to lunge for the smaller, white-haired boy.

</p><p>"I mean, I believe you are keeping something from me. Which isn't so hard to believe, isn't it? You've never liked sharing. You've never liked  to accept that there are other people. That other people have their needs." Near places another piece into the center of the puzzle. "Well, you misunderstand. I think we now need to work together, need to work something out. I would like to cooperate with you. You do make it hard to, though." He sighs. "So, do we have a deal?"

</p><p>"N-near…" Mello looks slightly hurt now, and Near faintly realizes in the back of his head that Mello really does look hurt. <i>Mello… you asked to see what I meant…</i> "Yes. We do have a deal. But I'd like to get some things straightened out first. You need to also realize that people have their own needs. But there is something else. You need to realize that other people have feelings to express. So both of us have flaws."</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>They continue with their little play, and it becomes partial reality.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"Near!" Mello yells from the living room. Near looks up from his writing, annoyed.

</p><p>They had played for a little while longer, and then, decided to play a little every day. So they would have time for spending. Or… so they would spend more time together. Yes.

</p><p>At the moment, Near suspects he's late to their little meeting at 3:00. Not really unthinkable. Near has been late for the past couple days. Whoever thought it'd be easier for him to get his feelings out was wrong. Now he has more feelings and nowhere to express them, because they aren't feelings he can tell Mello. They're private.</p><p>"NATE! Get your ass over here! You slowpoke!" Oh dear. Once the real name comes out, Near's gotta run. Or scurry. He doesn't really run. "I will come and get you!" Too late. Near gets off his bed and stashes his notebook under his bed; a place for many things he must hide under short notice. The bad part of living with someone who will burst in at any moment. "Hi."

</p><p>"Ah! Wait… what?" Near looks up to see a smirking Mello, leaning against his door with a mischeivious glint in his eyes. His beautiful, blue eyes. That run very deep, in the most vulnerable moments. Like a river. But right now are slammed shut like a blue steel wall. And very cold. Like a snake or something. He's hiding emotions. The only explanation.

</p><p>Near has known this for at least a week. Mello has hid his emotions for a while. But for what reason? And why is he being all calm now when moments before he was yelling at the top of his lungs?

</p><p>"Well, I said I'd come and get you, Near, so here I am. Come with me." Near shakes his head nervously. "Near! I'm not gonna do anything! Come. With me."

</p><p>"N-not if you're gonna be all creepy. Act mad because I didn't come." Mello rolls his eyes - again with the eyes - and sighs.

</p><p>"That'll never happen."

</p><p>Near discovers a secret, separate meaning that Mello probably didn't mean. <i>"Act mad because I didn't come"… "That'll never hapen"… oh my God.</i> He flushes bright red.

</p><p>"You don't mean tha-ah!" Near yelps. Mello chuckles evilly. The blonde had come across the room and scooped Near up into his arms. "Why?"

</p><p>"Because," Mello whispers, brushing a lock of hair away from Near's forehead, "I have a surprise for you."</p><p>And in the living room, he's apparently pushed the couch all the way back against the wall, moved the small coffee table into the corner, and Near realizes it looks like the room, kinda. Near had told Mello about it one time, lying on the floor with his head close to Mello's boots, looking up at him.

</p><p>
  <i>"So, what does it really look like?" Mello asked. Near smiled softly.

</i>
</p><p>
  <i>"Like… like an empty room. But, there's a whole entire wall full of monitoring computers, TVs, and then a chair by a desk where the computers sit. And, I have a puzzle lying out. An all-white one. Depending on the day, it's a different shape. I also have a couple toys scattered out. And… well, I would have a structure, but sadly, if it were real, I'd have to build it first. I wish I could see it…"

</i>
</p><p>
  <i>"Oh… sounds beautiful. Well, I am hungry, so, want a sandwich?" Mello got up and started walking away. Near scowled, sitting up.

</i>
</p><p>
  <i>"We never have a real dinner!" He complained, following his friend.

</i>
</p><p>
  <i>"Wanna do that? I have to call Matt anyway." Near rolled his eyes.

</i>
</p><p>
  <i>"Fine. I'll make… something, and you can call your damn best friend." He'd be lying if he said he wasn't jealous, and once again he wondered why Mello decided to live with him instead of the much more obvious match.

</i>
</p><p>
  <i>The answer would probably be "Because Matt can't take care of shit. You actually do things; he just plays video games and ignores problems."</i>
</p><p>"Wow…" Near  breathes, struggling to get out of Mello's arms. Mello lets him down.

</p><p>"Yeah."

</p><p>"And you even set up a puzzle… we should-should make a… you know, a structure. Of dice… or something… we're playing?" Near can't even make sense of his own words, but Mello laughs and nods.

</p><p>"We are playing. And it will be fun. So, where were we?"

</p><p>"Right. Well, we have a lead on Kira. I believe I know exactly who he is, we just must find a way to confront him." Near sits in front of the puzzle and picks up a piece to study it.

</p><p>"And how are we going to do that?" Mello asks, sitting across from him, like always.

</p><p>"How do you think, Mello?" Near tilts his head to the side, twirling some hair around a finger.

</p><p>"Well, who is he first?" Mello huffs impatiently, gritting his teeth together. Near frowns.

</p><p>"Must I ask you again to stop doing that? It gets on my nerves. I believe he is… the one who calls himself… <i>L.</i> Since he killed the first L, we know he is the second L. As we also know, he doesn't know our real names, mine Nate River, and yours Mihael Keehl. So he cannot kill us. I do think that if you were working by yourself, you would be killed by now." He sighs. "You're too reckless."</p><p>"How do you know he hasn't heard you just say our real names?" Mello snaps.

</p><p>"I know."

</p><p>"Well… I wouldn't be killed. And that isn't a valid explanation!" Near gives him an annoyed look, placing a piece down into it's spot in the puzzle.

</p><p>"Well, he doesn't know where we are. And even if he does, it's impossible to place a microphone. Maybe a camera, but not a microphone. I can't exactly explain it…" He sighs again. "It's a special room. Made especially for this purpose."</p><p>"Which is why I don't let you take notes or anything. What's in this room stays in this room. Entirely confidential." He continues.

</p><p>"Right. But how are we supposed to catch Kira?"

</p><p>"We should corner him. Make him confess he is Kira. And then get him. We'll have some help from his own helpers. The others will see when we corner him." Mello crosses his arms and nods.

</p><p>"Fine. But how are we supposed to do <i>that</i>?"

</p><p>"Stop doubting, Mello." <i>And to the why I said our real names…</i> Near thinks, <i>it's because I love yours.</i>

</p><p>"Ugh. You make everything so complicated." Mello gets up and starts to walk away.

</p><p>"Wait, Mello. Stay. Would you like to play a game with me?" The blonde groans and swings around. When they start it, Near murmurs "And I think it's quite simple, really."

</p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>…</p>
</div><p>"Mello!" Near hisses, poking the sleeping form. 

</p><p>They had stopped playing after building the highest tower they could without making it topple, and then they had eaten dinner… and now it's 12:00 am in the morning. Maybe later, but Near had woken up with a one-track mind, so he didn't bother checking. Of course, it was the first time he woke up that night, so it probably was around 12:00. He wakes up several times, always around the same hours each time.

</p><p>"Mello!" Near refuses to raise his voice; he finds it unnecessary, but if Mello could stop being such a deep sleeper while Near a light one, that would be nice.

</p><p>"Shaddup, Near, I'm sleeping…" Mello mumbles, rolling over and putting his face in the pillow.

</p><p>"I'm not going to shut up." Near huffs. "I have… an idea? Not sure what to call it. Something I need to do."

</p><p>"What the fuck do you want?" Mello moans, rolling back over to look at the younger boy. Near blinks surprisedly, staring right into his friend's eyes. The pupils have enlargened to let in as much light as possible, of course, but they're still so <i>blue.</i> Near'll probably never stop loving to look at them.

</p><p>"Don't swear." Near scolds on impulse. 

</p><p>"My room, asshole." Mello taunts. "Now what the hell do you want?"

</p><p>"I want to see your drawings… I want to show you my writing."</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>And for the finishing touch…</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"Wait… what?" Mello seems more awake now, sitting up and knocking Near off of… his lap? Near was on his lap?!

</p><p>"Yes." Near responds, regaining his balance. "Can we do it now? Please? It's like a quest, and I can't sleep until I do it."</p><p>"I never even said yes." He will though, Mello knows that. There is no way he can go against Near's sweet, innocent gray eyes. "FINE. But I hate you for this. I will never forgive you." <i>And he'll never forgive me,</i> Mello thinks, <i>because then he'll know…</i>

</p><p>"Then let's go, come on Mello, you big butt, let's go!" Mello bursts into unnecessarily loud laughter at the attempted insult. "Hey!" Near pouts. "I hate it wen you laugh at me. Stop it. Actually, take some time, get dressed, I need to grab my notebook." Mello finally notices the white-haired boy's face… he's blushing a little. Hard to see because it's dark, and because he's so pale that it's always very faint.

</p><p>Oh. Right. Mello sleeps in his underwear. Oops.

</p><p>"Yeah, and I need to grab my drawings. You fucking suck. Now get out." Near nods and scrambles out.

</p><p>Mello tries to regain his composure, taking deep breaths, keeping himself awake, and preparing himself for inevitable doom.</p><p>"Alright," Mello says, walking out into the living room, where the light is on, and Near's chewing on his pen nervously, "you go first."

</p><p>"No." Near quietly objects. "Mine are worse. Please go first. I promise that, even if yours upset me, you can still see my writing."

</p><p>"God, I hate you." But he hands his friend the papers anyway. As Near looks through them, his eyes get wider, and his mouth drops open little by little, but then his face suddenly softens, and he turns one of the drawings towards Mello.

</p><p>"This one's my favorite." He murmurs. Mello sees that it's the one where Near has his face on the corner of Mello's bed, and his head is on his arms. He's smiling slightly, just the corner of his mouth quirked up, and his eyes are knowing - something Mello was surprised he was able to capture - and mischievous. "That was the time when I was teasing you about wanting to kiss me, because you kept teasing me about how small and soft my mouth looked, and how pink it was on the inside, right?" Mello nods, speechless. "Here. Try the last two pages. The most recent." Near hands him his notebook.</p><p>Ignoring Near's suggestion, Mello goes to somewhere near the end of the notebook. "You need a new notebook," Mello says, before diving into reading. Near pokes him slightly.

</p><p>"Read it out loud. Are you even at the right page?" Mello rolls his eyes. "And can I keep this picture?"

</p><p>"Oh... o-okay. Sure."

</p><p>"Now <i>read it out loud."</i>

</p><p>"But... fine. Ahem...

</p><p>
  <i>"I haven't really thought about it in a while. The doubt. My doubt. I mean, why does Mello even stay? Why does he even live here? It was my house before he moved in. He could have done it perfectly fine with Matt; he has the skills. But he's here.

</i>
</p><p>
  <i>"Sometimes I wonder if he feels the same. Feels the weird feelings that I feel. Maybe...? I feel like it's a good explanation, but at the same time it's unthinkable. We've always been rivals, even as friends.

</i>
</p><p><i>"Speaking of, is our friendship fake? Sometimes all we seem to do is argue. Lately I've been trying to avoid it, because Mello does seem upset at me."</i>

</p><p>"Wrong place," Near whispers, his face drained of any color he might have had, "no... not there. Please skip there. Please." Mello scans the page, and sees there's a gap where he ended at. "The gaps are days passed. Oh God... um, turn the page. Go to the next one."

</p><p>"No." Mello growls, smacking Near's now-outstretched hand away. "I showed you everything. No. I deserve this." <i>Especially since I just saw something that peaks my interest...</i></p><p>But Near tears it away and turns the page, then hands it back. He glares at Mello like "challenge me; I dare you."

</p><p>"Fine." To rebel, Mello reads the page silently.

</p><p><br/>
<i>Feelings… what are they?<br/>
Wishes…<br/>
Just like thoughts<br/>
Are nothing more than dreams and nightmares.</i>
</p><p><br/>
<i>Mirrors show more than your reflection,<br/>
they show your soul.<br/>
Sometimes someone else can see it too.<br/>
</i>

</p><p>
  <i>His eyes, you know, are blue like you've never seen. It's confusing and comforting all at once. When he's upset, he hides it with a cold emotionless gaze. When he's truly unafraid to show things, he smiles when he's not smiling. True smiling comes from inside your eyes. As everyone knows, some smiles are fake; you just put one on when it's most convenient. We all know this.

</i>
</p><p>
  <i>Normally he's unafraid. If he's afraid now, why is he still here?

</i>
</p><p>
  <i>Spacious thoughts. Such spacious thoughts. Odd word for it, but it's all I can think about. All that I have.

</i>
</p><p>
  <i>Sometimes I wish he'd just kiss me.</i>
</p><p>It's all Mello can take. He sets the notebook down and kisses Near full-force, panic and rush and pent-up emotions taking over. Near's hands fly to his hair, tangling in it.

</p><p>"Mello, Mello, Mello…" Near murmurs, and Mello feels wet on his cheeks. Dammit! Crying. "I need you. Not like that." He quickly fixes his mistake, eyes wide. Mello chuckles deviously. "But I need you. I've needed you for always. Forever."

</p><p>"You get me," Mello whispers back, "you get me. More than anyone. Even Matt doesn't. How the hell…?"

</p><p>"I'm observant, Mells." Near nuzzles into the crook of the blonde's neck, refusing to let go of his hair. Mello kisses the top of his head, and Near crawls into his lap.

</p><p>"Ah, I could hold you all night," Mello jokes, but Near begins to smile mischievously, the smile Mello fell in love with. <i>In love…</i>

</p><p>"Then do so. I don't mind." Near scoots so his legs are dangling off the sides of Mello's, and he leans into Mello's chest, sighing happily.

</p><p>"How long?" Mello asks suddenly, wondering just how long he could've not been suffering without this little ball of sweetness.

</p><p>"Ever." Near answers simply. Truthfully. Mello groans in annoyance, but lifts Near's head and kisses him again anyway.

</p><p>"I fucking love you. Why the hell didn't I see?" Near's face brightens, and he gets up to run around the living room, giggling and whisper-yelling "He loves meeeeeeeeee!" Mello rolls his eyes good-naturedly. "Get over here. I need you too, so I want this."

</p><p>"Hold me!" Near demands, putting his hands on his hips and tilting his head to the side, like he's curious, but for a very different reason. Everything about him now screams dominance. Something Mello won't stand for, so he gets up and scoops Near into his arms, the younger huffing at him. 

</p><p>Wrapping his legs around Mello's waist and his arms around Mello's neck, he leans his forehead on Mello's, closing his big gray eyes. Mello closes his own, rocking back to forth like he's putting a baby to sleep.

</p><p>Strangely, it works.

</p><p>Near falls asleep in his arms, his sweet mouth falling open slightly. Mello smiles at him, trying not to laugh.

</p><p>
  <i>Best person in the world. But I have a feeling the dominance will be a continuing problem…</i>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thank you all so much for reading my mistake all the way through xD this was supposed to be one chapter, but God, dumb mistakes. Accidentally pressed post too early.</p><p>Also, I think I'm going to make this a series xD because I can't let this just GO… I've always been bad at that. It'll come out slowly, because I do have two other multi-chaptered fics that need my attention, not to mention an actual writing for a different fic later to do. Slowly but surely, though!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
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